Dadadada.... I was thinking the title should be more in the lines of judgment. Judgment is quite harsh though, and it is. We give it, we take, sometimes unnecessarily, unknowingly. However it is still there and it is hard to get rid of these perceptions, of these judgments. We think we are not enough, we think we were not good, we belittle ourselves in a way. And these are harsh emotions and harsh thoughts. It is difficult to deal with it. It is difficult to get rid of. It is possible.

Where do we start? By loving ourselves and loving ourselves more. We have to learn to forgive ourselves and find that love. Sometimes we find it easier to love another than ourselves, we can see so much good in another, and yet be so harsh on ourselves. I do this. I am very good at being so critical on myself. I sometimes feel I have to do better, I have to work more, I have to wake up earlier, I have to practice more regularly, I have to eat better, I have to stop with my bad habits. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to be better, we just don't have to be so harsh to ourselves. Because we are good, and we are doing great. And it's really hard to give that to ourselves. 

Sometimes these roles we put ourselves into, teacher, student, consultant, daughter, parent, it's difficult roles to fulfill and most of us have very high standards, because we want to be good at it. We want to be accepted, we want to be at par with the standards. The standards are sometimes too rigid, too harsh and at some point just plain impossible. Sometimes we forget the things we are good in and we focus on the things that we are less good in. It gets very difficult then, because basically we get in our own way. This concept and notion we have of ourselves, is holding us back rather than setting us in a higher plane. We do not know, it might not be said but in someone else's eyes we can be amazing, we are beautiful and they look up to us. And we can use this in a humble way - we learn to love ourselves and see ourselves as beautiful and amazing. This can be a powerful tool. Once we are able to take care of ourselves, we can take care of others. Once we love ourselves, we can love the people around us. Once we are kind and considerate to ourselves, we learn to be kind and considerate to the others.

Theory is easy. We all know this. I know this. Practicing this is hard. Not impossible though. It is just a practice. It is something we do everyday. We be kind to ourselves. We do something wrong, we learn to forgive ourselves and move on, we can do better next time. We learn from our mistakes and we go on. We proceed with this lessons and use them. We have the power to get over it. It is hard, we can do it. We just got to believe it.

A change of perspective, a change of judgment. To a kinder and a more loving one. I know we can do this. Me too.

I hope you all are doing well and being kind and loving to yourselves. It's a bit difficult times we're living in. Isolation and hibernation months. It gets depressing. I think being kind to ourselves is the key. Treat ourselves well. Eat our favourite chocolate. Eat the food we love. Shop, give ourselves treats. It doesn't have to be grand, sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that we love ourselves. And a lot of things can start there.

I would want to have some other people than me in my blog. I think everyone has something to share and I would like to put someone else in the limelight. And it is scary, when you speak out. There is magic in it though, to share. I think everyone has a lot to share and we can always learn from others. So if you are eager to help me with my project, drop me a line. Let's do this.

Stay warm, stay sane. Keep loving yourself, you are beautiful.

Always,
J

Still alive? Barely? Wounded? Bruised? Injured? Probably. It's been a tough year. One for the books. For everyone. Although sometimes we feel so alone because yes, we have been distanced from everyone. It's been a while. It's been a bit hard to find the inspiration to write. No scratch that, there is so much inspiration to write. Probably I just needed to rest. Rest to is part of the program right?

Let's make a lists, 

What I ended up doing in 2020
1.  Receive my authorization from Sharath
2. Visited Philippines
3. Start mysorespace
4. Study with Luke, sanskrit and chanting online
5. Skateboard and rollerskate
6. Play in the empty streets of Antwerp
7. Get to know my parents
8. Find a way to share the practice in the pandemic
9. Not get sick
10. Practice and take my time to practice (even stall)
11. Research the ashtanga history
12. Work

I can list down more. And when I look at it like this, it doesn't seem like a bad time. Yes. I have not hugged my friends or my family. I have not travelled to India or to be honest anywhere outside of Antwerp in the last 10 months possibly. I have narrowed down my circle of friends. I have spent a lot of time with myself, walking endlessly and aimlessly, looking deep and keep on looking. It's been hard but it's been good. They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger? Right? 

I miss a lot of things. I discovered a lot of things. I'm thankful to be here. I'm thankful to be alive in this time. I made a lot of realizations this year and I hope I could use them in the future and really learn from it. It's been a harsh year, I would like to say not different from the rest, but I think it somehow is. Every year, it gets a bit harder, maybe it means I'm getting better at it? I don't really know. Sometimes I feel like I'm just back to step one. I just know I am grateful for another chance to it. To keep trying. 

Dear 2020, let's be friends. Thank you for your lessons. I will surely remember you. Dear 2021, please do be kind. I know 2020 was not your fault, I just need a bit of downtime. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I cannot wait to hug them and be close to them. I want to travel and see the beauty of the world and share this to those with me. Please be kind, let's rock it. 

Classes are back in the morning. I hope to wake up early enough to be there at 6, I'll be honest, I'll probably be later. Will work on getting back again at 6. Know I will be there. I hope you too.

I slowly want to open some afternoon spots. And some led classes and some beginner classes. Dreams, I know they take time, we will get there. I hope to practice with you again soon, in person (not just in zoom). I hope to see my teachers and my friends again. I hope to be adjusted again and to share the mysore energy. I am truly hopeful. <3

All in love. All in time
J