How are you all? Are you like me, getting crazy with all of these? I was hoping that we are would be off this COVID by the end of the year, at least not next year was in my head. Just keep at it, a few more weeks, a few more months and right now it just seems like we are in a vicious cycle. But yeah, that's like. Tough lessons right? Somehow it is the feeling of being stuck, the feeling of not being able or allowed to do something. I think that can drive anyone nuts, plus the fact that we all kind of are in a way crazy already. 

I get on my mat, everyday, I know it is hard, I know sometimes it seems impossible. I feel lucky that somehow it is possible in my life. I count myself blessed for this. Seeing my fellow students, my peers not finding time to do it, I don't think they do it out of excuse. I think everyone is doing their best. It is not so simple to find this time for yourself everyday. There are chores to be done, the kids needs to go to school, there is work, or you're probably exhausted. Has these ever stopped me? Of course they have. Somehow, I guess I am crazy enough to find time on the mat. Because I feel the benefits of it.

It is somehow for me, like taking a shower, like brushing the teeth or writing down my daily journal. It's a process. Sometimes there are days that the body is very malleable and the mind as well and those are fantastic practices, and there are also days like it's lugging a big potato bag, and you know what these are equally great practices. For me atleast. It's like organising my brain, through the breath and the body. Somehow for me it has become a tool to see things in a different view and to loosen up the tension in the body by these repetitive movements. I don't really know. For me it works in such a way that somehow it has become a therapy.

I wish you all strength in the next weeks, months. Even if it seems like we are back in square one, and maybe we are, but maybe with a bit more experience and more knowledge to have wisdom for the next steps. I stay with you practicing online, everyday. I share my strength in this way, but also my weakness. Because I am not strong everyday, nor am I happy everyday. I am not always lovable. When we look at it, we cannot just use one single moment, we have to look at the bigger picture. We kind of have to keep with what we hold dear in our hearts. Stay safe and stay healthy, get on the mat or of it, mostly stay happy <3

Love always,
J

​I hope you all are keeping well. Such weird times we are having now. Keep safe and keep healthy. 2020 has really been one for the books. I don't think anyone has expected it to be such a year. I do not know what to write in this post. A lot of things are going through my head with the recent changes, It is kind of what we were expecting to happen. I think somehow I am overwhelmed and somehow sad, because it would probably mean it would take longer to go back to India or to visit my family in Philippines or just travelling to elsewhere.

I guess it's the not knowing what will happen next. It's the uncertainty of things. But yes, corona or no corona, things are always changing and events are always out of our hands. We have our own sphere of influence but for the rest we have to give it up to the greater power. I guess I just have to give in. And really, that is the best choice I think, do my best and the rest is up to God. 

I miss hugging people. I miss seeing the smiles of people. I miss being able to see friends and family. I do know that this is temporary and everything will change again. Hope is always there and I hope for a better world, however dreamy that sounds. 

A lot of things are going through my mind, they do not form any structured topic and I cannot seem to thread the words to make a coherent subject to communicate. I think I best leave it here for this week. I do hope you all stay healthy and safe. And happy. I am sending all of you a virtual hug and lots of love.

Love always
​J

The human override, I think this separates us from machines, who are mechanical. Machines are programmed to think. They are made for a certain purpose and they are perfected until they can do the purpose they were made for, then they are released to the public, with the team hoping it will perform as the team hope for. Of course there are always bugs, errors in the system or things that were not taken into consideration in the program. But then comes version two of the code, which covers more scenarios and should fix the old problems that the previous implementation has maybe overlooked. As programmers we want to keep bettering the code so that the machine will serve it's purpose and of course the programmers can overlook things, or maybe it's not written on the specifications, or maybe we are just having a bad day but we keep on trying to perfecting our craft, to the best of our abilities.

But the machines are programmed to do what they are supposed to do, they can only do what they are deemed to do, for example a traffic light is differently programmed than a vending machine, and we cannot use the code of the traffic lights to the vending machine. But what is the difference of the traffic lights than a traffic personnel? A traffic personnel can think, it can adjust to the situations, of course now even traffic lights take some things into consideration that it couldn't 10 years ago. But still even now the traffic lights would have it's limitations still. But what am I really trying to discuss here? I mean the human touch always has an override. We humans were designed to think for ourselves, no matter how much programming we were put under. There will always be that unpredictable factor in the human decision. Our ability to choose, to override what is taught to us and to act on feelings and to act on actual happenings.

​I think the human programming gets better in time, I do hope it does. I think our experience and lessons we encounter make us better and make us more understanding and compassionate. There are times that we quite lose our trust in the world or in the events but there will always be hope in the human heart. In the human mind and heart, there is passion and drive that really I think is hard to teach in any machine. It is not logical sometimes, and we cannot phantom it's immensity. And I am always hopeful that this override is used well and in situations that calls for it. There are rules, and yes rules are made for reasons. It's good to study these rules and regulations and why they were put there. But in the even we are asked to make decisions we have to use the rules and regulations but not only that, we gotta use what we are gifted. I think there comes the power.

I am hoping you all are staying safe and well and always feeling, always reacting and being involved in the best way we can. Of course we don't need to engage in everything but we gotta know when to do it. I guess that's the art. So keep safe, keep happy and keep well. I'm here to help your practice as always.

Love always
J

To be vulnerable, what does that mean to you? To fully trust something/someone and to let them have the power over you. To put oneself in a sensitive spot exposed to the forces, calculated and not calculated. It's a scary place to be and not everyone wants to be put in this spot. Not everyone can handle being in this spot. In some sense we need to be comfortable and to trusts the situation to allow ourselves to be put in this position. And that's saying a mouthful. We are creature of habits, and part of the habits is feeling safe. And yes, who doesn't want to feel safe and able to sustain and flourish even? We all want this and in a way we need to feel this.

For me studying Ashtanga puts me in a very vulnerable position. I trust the system and it has allowed me to in a way let myself go in the process of it. Studying the asana/physical part has taught me to trust my body and my mind. It allows me to use the body, the mind and the breath to move into shapes and in these physical states. It allows me to concentrate on one thing. Each asana is a complex set of movements, and yes every millimeter of stretch and every ounce of strength counts. And in a way it all needs to work together, a balance, a mixture of things and we are the alchemist, we make our own mix, we find our own sweet spot. Sometimes we need guides to take us there, but what is also important to know is that all of it is already in us. Sometimes we just do have to dig very deep and yes it is not so straight forward. It's not a quick fix, it is not an instant cure. It's more like simmering stew, growing a plant, or raising a child (or atleast I could imagine) as it takes time. And we do not decide when it all comes. It is out of our hands, simply put it just happens - a series of event that leads here.

I struggle to put myself in this vulnerable place. Because it means others can hurt me and I can also hurt myself. And maybe it is not their intention to hurt but it still possible. Things happen out of our hands sometimes, but we can also say some people do also have less good intentions and of course we end up being hurt. But I also know, growth and space comes from places of discomfort. The learning process increases there. And of course not a lot of people are willing to risk it. But sometimes there is no other way than through it. And we just need to stop thinking and just go.

I keep my dreams high and wild and my expectations low and realistic. It is a huge margin in between but it gives me the allowance to take the risks and go for it. Because I know I learn a lot when I am in a vulnerable spot. I risk a lot but there is also much to gain. And even if I come out of it with nothing, just the process has already taught me so much. For me this works atleast.

I hope you can harness your own vulnerability and benefit from learning from this, in your own limits, in your own time. And always know you are doing your very best, we need to count our efforts as they are. It is so easy to underestimate ourselves and our efforts in this whole story. Thank you for taking your time reading my posts and thinking with me. I appreciate hearing your comments on my posts and if you want to write something, I'm happy to share the space. 

As always, stay happy, healthy and safe. Take care of you and your loved ones. The shala is now open to welcome people but I will keep it intimate for me and for you. Let me know if you want to come practice.

Love always,
<3 J