Vulnerability

To be vulnerable, what does that mean to you? To fully trust something/someone and to let them have the power over you. To put oneself in a sensitive spot exposed to the forces, calculated and not calculated. It's a scary place to be and not everyone wants to be put in this spot. Not everyone can handle being in this spot. In some sense we need to be comfortable and to trusts the situation to allow ourselves to be put in this position. And that's saying a mouthful. We are creature of habits, and part of the habits is feeling safe. And yes, who doesn't want to feel safe and able to sustain and flourish even? We all want this and in a way we need to feel this.

For me studying Ashtanga puts me in a very vulnerable position. I trust the system and it has allowed me to in a way let myself go in the process of it. Studying the asana/physical part has taught me to trust my body and my mind. It allows me to use the body, the mind and the breath to move into shapes and in these physical states. It allows me to concentrate on one thing. Each asana is a complex set of movements, and yes every millimeter of stretch and every ounce of strength counts. And in a way it all needs to work together, a balance, a mixture of things and we are the alchemist, we make our own mix, we find our own sweet spot. Sometimes we need guides to take us there, but what is also important to know is that all of it is already in us. Sometimes we just do have to dig very deep and yes it is not so straight forward. It's not a quick fix, it is not an instant cure. It's more like simmering stew, growing a plant, or raising a child (or atleast I could imagine) as it takes time. And we do not decide when it all comes. It is out of our hands, simply put it just happens - a series of event that leads here.

I struggle to put myself in this vulnerable place. Because it means others can hurt me and I can also hurt myself. And maybe it is not their intention to hurt but it still possible. Things happen out of our hands sometimes, but we can also say some people do also have less good intentions and of course we end up being hurt. But I also know, growth and space comes from places of discomfort. The learning process increases there. And of course not a lot of people are willing to risk it. But sometimes there is no other way than through it. And we just need to stop thinking and just go.

I keep my dreams high and wild and my expectations low and realistic. It is a huge margin in between but it gives me the allowance to take the risks and go for it. Because I know I learn a lot when I am in a vulnerable spot. I risk a lot but there is also much to gain. And even if I come out of it with nothing, just the process has already taught me so much. For me this works atleast.

I hope you can harness your own vulnerability and benefit from learning from this, in your own limits, in your own time. And always know you are doing your very best, we need to count our efforts as they are. It is so easy to underestimate ourselves and our efforts in this whole story. Thank you for taking your time reading my posts and thinking with me. I appreciate hearing your comments on my posts and if you want to write something, I'm happy to share the space. 

As always, stay happy, healthy and safe. Take care of you and your loved ones. The shala is now open to welcome people but I will keep it intimate for me and for you. Let me know if you want to come practice.

Love always,
<3 J